The Empty Plate. Photo: Torkil Stavdal
Food love? I am sure it is…or maybe not?
I was in Paris as I wrote this. Drinking grand cafe noir, dipping my croissant in it. It tastes sooooo good…..??
Stop. Wait a minute. As I sit here and take it all in. Having waited for this moment of “the real thing” for quite awhile (I had not been back in Paris for some time). The real thing is not a great as I remember it!
What happened? So often in New York I have found myself with cravings for exactly that. The grand cafe noir and a croissant. And here I am in Paris craving my organic green jasmine tea and a sprouted grain lump of bread instead. So have I been longing for Paris instead? Probably. I love being in Paris. It feels like a second home to me.
See I realized, I actually get better coffee at home when I order an Americano and I find that the croissants are far better there too. Crispy and all. I even got the best croissant in a long time in London!
Now it might sound like I have been croissant hopping and shopping through the countries. Not quite. But. Croissants and strong coffee does carry a charge for me. Now I discover that the long longed for croissant of Paris is far less attractive than I remembered it. I think I even just discovered that I don’t actually really like croissants that much. And for that matter. I actually like my tea better too than coffee.
What is it about memories of food that keep us so stuck craving them over and over again? The memory is exactly what is so vivid for me, because in my daily life I actually don’t eat croissants nor drink coffee anymore.
I have very few food memory attachments left. I think the croissant was the last one actually. From here on I’m free! What helps is that I really really enjoy and like how I eat now.
Many struggle with cravings and have food attachments. If we take the red string that ties the food and the memory together, we probably find that it is the memory that keeps the food-love alive more than the actual food. This is for example often true of the old foods from childhood. They are often comfort foods long into adulthood. Even after our taste buds and daily preferences have changed to a more nuanced palate.
Food memories hold such power. During the last months of my father’s life I would cook him one of his favorite meals from his childhood and youth everyday. I was convinced I kept him alive for longer actually, because he wanted one more of those meals. He also wanted to listen to a lot if the music he had listened to in his youth and especially from the time where he and my mom where first married. He was certainly bringing back the memories to feel comforted towards the end of his life.
This is probably one of the major reason we are so triggered so much by food. When we smell or see something that triggers a memory, just remembering does not seem to be enough. We still want to also eat the food. But if we can cherish the memory that the food brings to us instead, then we can let go of our attachments. I do actually know that the croissant and coffee always was about Paris to me. This is how I can appreciate the craving for bringing me the memory instead of being upset at it and feeling like I have to fight it.
The thing is that our mind and imagination is so powerful that just thinking we are doing it can create the comfort we need. So I can use the smell of coffee and croissants to bring me back to Paris so to speak, without actually eating and drinking it, and without boarding a plane.
Cravings are also more than food attachments to a memories. Sometimes it is a message for needing carbs, fat, protein or salt. Our bodies however do not know to call it a croissant with coffee. My mind is making that connection.
Paris anyone?
Was that a song? I think so. But it is also who I meet everyday. It seems we would not be since we are so busy connecting all the time. With so many people that we daily see, meet and talk to, link up to over facebook, and email and….I can go on. But are we then lonely? Yes. We are. And I am not saying this holds true for everyone, but see for yourself.
One time long ago someone said to me “how long are you going to grieve”? This mind you was about 3 days after my father’s death. Which by the way was only a bit more than a year after my mothers. Something about that question reallllllly set me off. I got so upset that I started screaming at him as loud as I possible could. I felt utterly ignored for my feelings and for my need to be with myself to process what had just happened in my life. Not to mention that 2 years of being a caretaker was over and I could start focusing on myself again.